leave out all the rest
by Maroon-dragon
Summary: Hotch has a nightmare and contemplates his relationship and what he will be leaving if he dies.


**AN: well I am really more a Spencer/Prentiss fan but this song seemed to fit Hotch and his stony face better…..I hope you all like it…**

I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared

"NO!" The scream reverberated through his room. His heavy breathing was the only sound that was heard as he slipped back underneath the blankets. It had seemed so real, so scary. He had seen many things in his life that no other human would have been able to handle. His son made sure he kept his sanity, and the temper tantrums and difficulties that other parents complained about were like gulps of fresh air for him. Yet this dream, this godforsaken nightmare wrecked him completely. The look of fear upon her face as she screamed for him. And all the others just had seemed so passive. Her black hair, pale skin and big round eyes were all that he noticed, as the bullet from his imagined enemy pierced through his Kevlar vest into his chest.

After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here 

Luckily his son had not woken from his sleep by the scream. Knowing that sleep would not come he climbed out of bed. His warm feet toughed the cold stone tiles on the ground, and for just a moment he just sat there at the edge of the bed. Him and Prentiss, he and Emily had been dancing around each other for some time now. She seemed to understand what he sometimes needed in his busy life. Sometimes he would come back from some late meeting, believing everyone to be gone and she would be there with a cup of coffee and that small smile, just reserved for him. They all were beat and all needed a break at the end of the day, yet she stayed to make sure he ate something as he worked later. She rubbed his shoulders when everything got to tough and he needed a little push to go on.

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory 

He just hoped she understood how much she meant to him. Yet he couldn't. He would be compromising them at work, he would hurt his wife her memory, and he had his son to think of. But he was scared. Scared that his impassive face and actions would make him secluded from the rest of the world. Secluded from her. He didn't want to be someone that would not really be missed when his life ended. That when the bullet pierced his heart, his son would say he was some guy I knew, but never a father. He wanted, as selfishly as it sounded, to be mourned. He just hoped she did not resent him for not telling her how much he appreciated her. How much he wanted her. He just hoped she would remember his eyes telling her all of it.

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shed but I made

I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you 

They were both so strong. So well trained in hiding that sometimes he got the idea they did not know how to feel anymore. She had her fights with her mother, her uneasy life as a daughter of a woman that travelled the world and sometimes cared more for her job than she seemed to care for her daughter. He had always been ambitious and that had cost him first his marriage, and after that his wife her life entirely. He had loved his wife dearly, but she just didn't understand what his job took of him. She didn't understand the dangers that he had protected innocent people from. The shattered soul he housed after all the damage he had seen. He wasn't perfect, but then again she wasn't either.

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are

As he entered the office that day she was already there. Heavy bags underneath her eyes betrayed the tiredness she didn't show in her smile. She was always so good at pretending. They both were. He needed her. He needed someone to see how hoarse he was from screaming against everything that he had to go up against. All the emotional turmoil he hard to keep hidden. And when he looked into her eyes he saw her understanding. She would save him, she would be there. He wasn't alone. He had someone to live and die for, and he would gladly take that bullet. For he did everything for the woman he loved. He had made the mistake once, and he would never repeat it.

**xx**


End file.
